These two ducks rent a room in a hotel for sex, she says she is not having sex without a condom, he goes down to the front desk and asks if they have any condoms, the clerk says "Sure we have, here you go, would you like me to put it on your bill?" The duck says, " No, what do think, I'm some kind of pervert!"

A woman goes into Cdn Tire to purchase her husband a gift for his birthday. When she gets to the checkout the man says, I'm blind, but just drop your item on the counter. She dropped it, and he says , "Ah, a Shakespeare seven foot rod and a Zebco Deluxe reel. That will be $49.95 , including tax, how are you paying?" " Just a second" , she says. Just then one of her credit cards falls to the floor, and the clerk says", that sounds like a Mastercard , will you be using that to pay?" She is amazed, she says yes and bends over to pick up the card, as she does she lets a fart. The man puts her card through and says, sign here, that will be $61.44! " "But, you said it was $49.95 ", she said! " Yes", he answered, "That was the rod & reel, but the duck call is $6.99 and the fish bait is $3.50!

Bill got a ticket to show up in court because one of his beagles was loose around town. Bill told his father he (had) to go to court with him. The magistrate read the charge stating that the dog was seen on February 16th roaming around town, and asked Bill how he pleaded? "Not guilty, your honour." How can you plead not guilty, the constable has witnesses that will say it was your dog! "Sir," Bill said, " My father is here to tell you that I gave that dog to him , in January month!"